Sassy Southern Belle

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Nice To FINALLY Be Hearing !

I was in the grocery the other day, standing in line, minding my own business.
A woman with an overflowing cart and 3 kids hanging off of it gets in line behind me.
I think "GREAT ! I get to listen to a stressed out mom and 3 whiney brats !".
To my surprise and joy I heard something else completely !
The mother was scanning the rack of magazines above the conveyer belt when she spotted one.
She turned to her daughter (approx. 10) and showed her the magazine.
And then music....
Sweet music to my ears.....

Mom: Oh no. Would you look at this?
Kid: What mom?
Mom: Look at Lindsay Lohan. You know, that's the girl in all those movies you like?
Kid: Yeah? What about her?
Mom: Well, you see this? She's lost all this weight and she's WAY too skinny now. She's not healthy looking anymore. Look at this picture - see how pretty she looks? And now look at this picture - she's lost all that weight and now she's not very pretty anymore is she?
Kid: Not really.
Mom: Don't you think she looked a lot nicer and prettier when she weighed a normal weight?
Kid: (nods head)

I cannot even begin to tell you how utterly happy I was to hear this exchange !
It's about time mothers out there started sending POSITIVE messages to their daughters about weight ! That you don't have to be a stick insect to be beautiful ! I nearly turned around and gave that mom a giant hug. However, I thought better of it and minded my business (can't get a reputation at the grocery of being a crazy lady who hugs complete strangers !).
I have to tell you, this put a smile on my face when it happened and I smile every time I think about it. And, oddly enough, I think I have a sense of pride as well. I was proud of that mother for being such a good role model to her daughter and for teaching her to have a positive self image.

GOOD JOB MOM (whoever you are)!
:)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Gawking in Queens



So what's everyone gawking at????



How about this thresher shark that washed ashore?


What disturbs me is this....

What the fuck is a thresher shark doing off the shore of Queens, NY??????
I'm beginning to notice a trend of shark species showing up in places that is not their typical habitat.
And this troubles me and makes me wonder what the hell is going on.

HUH



In case you didn't realize it (like me up until a few moments ago)
It's now the AGE of AQUARIUS ! ! ! !
WHOO !

Lizzie's A Bad, Bad Girl ! ! ! !

So.
Tex-ass thought I'd want to go to a website to see her wedding photos.
LOL.
Well.
I will say this...
I did get a kick out of them !
An EVIL kick !

*****WARNING*****
HERE COMES CATTY LIZZIE !
*****YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !*****

OH
MY
GOD !
I know she's like 3 months knocked up and all but GOOD GOD !
She is HUGE !
(HERE COMES THE BRIDE ! FAIR, FAT & WIDE ! ! ! ! !)
This is the girl who would ALWAYS talk about how she's going to the gym and eating salads and how skinny she was. Granted, what would I know seeing as how we live so far apart?
I guess she must've been LYING !
**EVIL CACKLE !**
And I'm sorry but neither she nor her new victim ....um, I mean husband....looks happy !
They BOTH look miserable !
And NONE of the pictures are very good !
It looks like not too many people showed up for their little "event" either.
Can you BLAME any of her friends for not going????
I'm maintaining my silence.
Why would I congratulate her on something I totally disagree with?
I'm just wondering how they'll be treating her at work seeing as how this guy used to be her BOSS and that's how they met and started dating !
I guess they're just supposed to be stupid and buy her little story that they immediately started dating, got pregnant and got married in the few months since he's quit the company, huh???
Whatever.
I'm still glad I didn't go.
I did my little "analysis" thing to the picture she'd previously sent to me of him.
And I did it again with the wedding pictures.
And I see the same thing.
He WILL abuse her.
He WILL control her.
She WILL NOT be happy.
And she will eventually have to try to escape him with their child.
I haven't told her all of this - she wouldn't have listened.
I would've warned her if I could've...
Not something I can control though, right?
It was my choice to cut her off...
And I plan to stick to it...
No matter how bad things get....
I just don't need the drama in my life - I do believe I have enough of my own drama !

Monday, June 27, 2005

NEW QUIZ FOR ME ! ! ! ! !

Goddess
The Goddess of Fire and Happiness. You are a ball
of energy. Always compassionate and full of
life, you can make anyone feel happy and you
are exceptionally uplifting. You are an
individual beauty.


Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Health Update

O.k.
It's all over now....sort of....
The procedure was painless - as far as I can remember - and quick (1 hour).
My throat FINALLY stopped hurting as of this morning...
But my stomach is still VERY sore.
They had to do some biopsies and that's what I'm guessing this major discomfort is from.
They found NOTHING.
Nothing serious at least.
They said my throat and esophagus is inflammed.
And the biopsies should explain why.
And we won't have the results until the end of this week.
SQUEEE (take that sarcastically).
So I still know nothing.
And I'm still hurting.
Now more than before.
GREAT !
We're supposed to be going away this coming weekend.
That may be getting canceled.
We'll see.
UGH.
At any rate, I'm still alive and the drugs they gave me made me forget anything I was supposed to forget - thank god. I didn't bother to ask if I was conscious....I really don't care to know about it. I'll just tell myself that I was out for the whole thing - drooling all over my pillow and completely oblivious.
Yeah.
That sounds good to me.
On an up note, I'm now down by 13 pounds.
YIPPEE !
I'm getting skinnier !
HORRAH !

I know a lot of you aren't going to like what I have to say about THIS story....


Now, I know I'm going to possibly seen as being insensitive, but.......read this story......I've made the text red on the parts I have comments on.....

-----------------------------------------------------

Sorrow, Anger As City Grieves For 3 Boys Dead In Car Trunk
UPDATED: 3:17 pm EDT June 27, 2005


CAMDEN, N.J. -- As authorities began investigating why police failed to search a car trunk where three missing boys were found dead, the father of one of the children said Sunday he could not understand how they died so close to home.

Anibal Cruz, 38, said the family assumed that police looked in the trunk of the car that was parked just steps from where the boys were last seen playing.
"That was the first place to look," Cruz said. "You can look through the windows and check inside. That is simple. Maybe they should have looked in the trunk."
Officials said the boys suffocated after climbing into the trunk on their own. Their bodies were found by David Agosto, whose 6-year-old son Daniel had gone missing along with 5-year-old Jesstin Pagan and 11-year-old Anibal Cruz.
Authorities have said if any law enforcement officials broke department rules in the search they would be disciplined. Police and prosecutors were expected to issue a report within 30 days on the handling of the search.
In addition to the formal review of the search, City Council President Angel Fuentes said the council also will hold a hearing on the matter at its regular meeting Thursday.
"I know my colleagues and I have questions," said Fuentes, whose district includes the area where the boys died.
Cruz also blamed the state Division of Youth and Family Services for his son's death, saying he had called the agency several times in the past year to tell them his son, who was mentally disabled, was wandering away from home into the neighborhood.
However, he said DYFS did nothing to solve the problem.
"If he had been put in a safe place, maybe this would have never happened," Cruz said.
Andy Williams, a spokesman for the state Human Services Department, declined to comment Sunday on whether Cruz made phone calls to the agency, citing confidentiality issue. Williams said the department investigates after every call of potential abuse, neglect or child endangerment.
Dozens of officials had searched for two days for the boys, using helicopters, a bloodhound and divers who searched the nearby Delaware River. On Sunday, Police Lt. Mike Lynch said officials felt many of the same frustrations as Cruz, but said it was premature to speculate.
"Whatever the circumstances are, I can tell you that the efforts of those searchers and those police officers and everyone involved were 100 percent committed," he said.
One of the boys had played previously in the car, which was owned by Anibal's maternal grandmother. It had been sitting for about three weeks in a shaded, weedy corner of the Cruz family's yard.
The hydraulic plunger that keeps the trunk from closing was not working, so the lid was able to swing close and lock as soon as the boys stopped propping it up, prosecutor Vincent Sarubbi said.
Federal law requires cars made beginning in 2002 to have release latches inside the trunk, but the Toyota in which the boys were found appears to have been an older model.
Sarubbi said some periods of hard rain on Wednesday evening may have muffled any noises from the well-insulated trunk, which was parked far enough from the house to make it difficult to hear any voices coming from it.
A joint funeral service for the boys was tentatively scheduled for Wednesday in Camden. Both Agosto and Pagan will be buried Thursday in Camden, while Cruz will be buried in Puerto Rico at a later date.
Meanwhile, community members continued to deal with their grief. A steady stream of visitors stood under the hot sun outside the Cruz home Sunday, placing stuffed animals, balloons, candles and notes in front of a chain-link fence in the yard where the boys were last seen playing together.
For some, the grief over their loss was turning into frustration.
As he paid his respects area resident Luis Rodriguez, 55, asked why the police never thought to look in the car's trunk.
"Why wouldn't they think to look in a trunk? (Crime victims) get stuck in trunks all the time," he said.
At one point in the early afternoon, the scene at the Cruz home turned chaotic as news crews set up cameras on the sidewalk for an expected news conference that never occurred.
It was later learned that several media outlets had received a release from an unidentified man claiming to represent members of the Cruz and Pagan families, as well as their lawyers. However, family members said they did not know the man or why he made the claims.
Council President Delays Second Investigation Into Trunk Deaths
The city council president on Monday backed away from plans to launch an immediate investigation into why searchers looking for three boys found dead in a car neglected to look in the trunk of the vehicle, which was parked where the youths had last been seen.
The bodies were discovered in the trunk Friday night by one of their fathers following a massive, two-day search by law enforcement officials that included tracking dogs, helicopters and boats.
Council President Angel Fuentes said he would wait for a report on the search from the city police department and county prosecutor's office before moving ahead with a separate inquiry.
Fuentes said Camden County Prosecutor Vincent P. Sarubbi asked him to delay a council hearing on the matter, which Fuentes had previously scheduled for Thursday.
"I then agreed that we would not interfere with the investigation," said Fuentes, who also represents the neighborhood where two of the boys lived.
The official report is due July 25. Fuentes said the council will decide after it is completed whether to investigate on its own.
Meanwhile, churches in the neighborhood planned a vigil for the boys on Monday evening.
The bodies of Jesstin Pagan, 5; Daniel Agosto, 6; and Anibal Cruz, 11; were found Friday in the trunk of a beat-up car parked in the yard next to Cruz's home. The discovery came after authorities and relatives had searched for two days for the boys, combing a Camden neighborhood and a stretch of the Delaware River.
On Saturday, officials said the boys accidentally suffocated after climbing into the trunk of the car themselves.
Camden Police Chief Edwin Figueroa said records show the car had been inspected, but it appeared the trunk had not been checked.
Fuentes said that by Monday, $12,000 to $15,000 had been collected for the families of the three boys.
"This is a time for spiritual healing, the community's really coming together," the councilman said.
A funeral service for the youths is planned for Wednesday.
----------------------------------------------------------------
So here's the part where Lizzie is being "evil" with her opinions !

#1.....

If these parents are angry at the cops for not looking in the trunk of the car because it would be the "first place to look" then WHY didn't any of these parents think to look there themselves ?????????????

#2.......

If it was KNOWN that at least one of these children had been playing in this same car at an earlier date, wouldn't that have been an important place to look first when the parents realized that their children were missing??????

#3......
ANYONE ever hear of DOOR LOCKS for a car that is sitting unattended in the corner of an overgrown yard??????

#4......

How DARE one of these parents try to blame DYFS for this ! ! ! ! ! If you have a mentally ill child that has a tendancy to wander away from home you have one of two options. LEASH him or WATCH him ! ! ! ! ! You CANNOT blame others for YOUR negligence ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I'll stop there before I begin to get hate mail.......
This story simply infuriates me ! ! ! ! ! ! !
These three little boys did NOT have to die. If their PARENTS had been WATCHING them they would've been able to prevent them from playing in the trunk of a car ! If they'd have LOOKED in the trunk of the car that it seems now so much the obvious place to look they'd have likely FOUND the boys before they died !
How DARE they try to blame others for their neglect of their children ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I am HOPPING MAD ! ! ! ! ! !

Friday, June 24, 2005

Brave Face Crumbling

O.k.
I'll admit it.
I can be a BIG wuss.
Like right now.
I've had my "brave face" on all week - making like my little procedure today is no big deal.
But you know what?
I'm frickin SCARED to death !
Granted, my AUNT didn't help !
She called last night to inform me that I'll be awake and aware during the whole thing but that I shouldn't worry because they'll give me the ruffies and make me FORGET it all !
NOT HELPFUL !
The whole issue for me is that regardless of remembering it or not I don't want to have to go THROUGH the trauma.
PERIOD !
So I got all freaked out last night thanks to her.
And today I googled some more info about the procedure and now I'm TOTALLY freaked !
NOT GOOD ! ! ! ! ! !
J will be leaving work in the next hour or 2 (hopefully), will come get me from work and we're going to go kills some time until my appointment. He'll most likely be a bit on the hungry side - so I figure I can watch him eat his lunch and we can go buy a gift for the kid who's birthday party we're supposed to be going to tomorrow.
He'll keep me calm which is good.
Picking up that phone last night was NOT a good thing. I have caller ID for such reasons ! But I thought maybe it was one of my cousins so I picked the bloody thing up.
My Bad.
Anyway.
This has been the WORST fucking week of my LIFE and I can only expect today to be a perfectly wretched end to a perfectly horrid week !
First there was the new note on Monday.
Then drama at the office on Tuesday.
A verbal throwdown with the bitch across the street on Wednesday.
Home drama last night on top of my aunt starting trouble !
And now we've arrived and Friday.
What shall today bring???
Oh.
That's right.
Office drama from the start followed by a procedure I DO NOT WANT where they will stick me with needles, shove crap down my throat (with my supposed cooperation), drug me so I'll forget and then pat me on the tush and send me home ! ! ! ! ! !
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH ! ! ! !

There's my little sulk/freak out for this morning.
I don't know how out of it I'll be after this thing today, so I'll have to post an update possibly tomorrow (if I REMEMBER that is ! ! ! !).

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

FUCK FUCK FUCK

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

Will have to write in greater detail later....
but for now....

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

FUCKING NEIGHBORS !

Nearly There !


In just a little over a week I'll be heading out on vacation !
Watch out DC, here I come ! ! ! ! !
Everyone seems astounded that a 28 year old would have never been to DC before. But it's really not all that strange if you consider that I grew up in Florida and hence spent my elementary school years - when they usually do this trip in my CT school system - in the south visiting the Kennedy Space Center and the Everglades.
I've done my research and have a tentative plan for our 4 days there.
I went over this plan with J last night and, surprisingly, he seemed pretty agreeable to it all. He considers my plan of taking on the National Museum of Natural History & the Air & Space Museum all in one day an impossibility - but then again the boy's never seen me in a museum ! I'm the type who likes to plan her trip to a museum by looking up their maps online prior to the trip. Then, when I go into a museum, I get their map of the place, circle what I want to see and off I go ! No need to wander aimlessly - I go see what I want to see and then I leave. Do I really want to look at Native American woven bowls? No. But I know that the first time I saw dinosaur skeletons (when I was 23 !) I stayed in that hall for the longest time - just looking around like with my mouth hanging open like a little kid. So it's all about strategy for me so I can take the time and make the most of what I want to see ! LA LA LA !

Monday, June 20, 2005

Things I Learned On My Lunch Break...

Today I spent lunch at Kohl's - in search of a new pair of shades.
Of course, the line was LOOOOONG and, as is normal with a long line, some ladies started chatting!
And from this chatter, this is what I've learned:

- It's "normal" for 8th graders to carry Coach and Dooney & Burke handbags
- It's also "normal" for these children to LOSE these expensive clutches
which are then turned into "lost and found" in the school office
- The ladies in line thought that 8th graders should not be given these bags,
as they are far too expensive
- Apparently, it's also "normal" for all 4th graders to carry cell phones
- The ladies in line thought that only the "latchkey kids" should have cell
phones
- These same ladies think it's perfectly normal for 8th graders to have cell
phones

Am I the only one who thinks something is TERRIBLY wrong here?????

Rottweilers and Chocolate

That’s all I need, man !
We are having MAJOR drama !

Here’s the deal.
We live on a one way street that was once a 2-way street. As is used to be a 2-way, our driveway now faces the wrong way. We live near the end of the street – there is one house to next to us before the street ends, on house across from us and one house across from our neighbor. All of us neighbors have talked and we all agree that we have no problem with any of us driving in the wrong way on the street as it is easier – particularly for J and myself – to get into our driveway. Literally, if I came in the other way it’s a VERY sharp turn and I’ve nearly been hit once already while trying to maneuver ! Anyhoo ! A couple of weeks ago we received a note taped to our front door. A hand printed note informing us that we live on a one-way street and that we’re endangering the lives of the pets and children of the neighborhood by driving the way we do in going in the wrong way. J rarely goes in that way so I know they’re pinpointing me. Anyway, J got all annoyed and went next door to vent to our neighbor who received nasty notes in her mailbox in the past (the moron who wrote it was complaining that she shouldn’t be cleaning up her yard !). Well, for about a week or so now I’ve been coming home the other way because traffic is easier if I take the next exit off the highway and that lands me on the hard road to get into the driveway. J drove all weekend except for last night. I was coming home from CT and it was around 10:30pm. We live in the WOODS with LOTS of deer so I ALWAYS take it slowly – particularly at night. I came in the wrong way – there was NO ONE on the street. Went in and that was that. This morning as I was ready to leave I was hit with ANOTHER NOTE ! This one TAPED to our window ! We have our front door and two long windows on either side of that door. The note was taped to one of those windows facing in ! ! ! ! ! And this one was nastier than the last one. NOW I’m being accused of “tearing” through the streets of our neighborhood and apparently I’m a deadly threat to pets and children alike ! ! ! ! ! ! (though, if your pets or children are in the streets at 10:30pm then there’s a whole other problem going on that isn’t MINE ! ! ! !) I’ve been just a BIT freaked out ever since ! Particularly seeing as how we live on top of a LARGE hill – so this person has now trapsed up our very steep driveway not once but twice and they’re now getting bolder ! ! ! How frickin CREEPY is all of this?!?!?!??!?!
WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?
This is like SCARING me at this point ! That someone in our neighborhood thinks they have the RIGHT to come onto our PRIVATE property and harass us like this ! And the fact that they’d do this with US HOME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! And what a frickin coward ! If you have a problem with us then COME TALK TO US about it ! Don’t go sneaking around, taping notes to our doors and windows ! ! ! ! ! !
I seriously want to go to the pound TODAY and get the biggest dog I can find ! ! ! !
The fact that I’m PMSing isn’t helping one bit either !
In trying to get to work this morning after this incident I got on the wrong highway, screwed up getting off of it and back on track and nearly got into an accident. I’m COMPLETELY not focused ! When I got to work – finally – I headed straight for the vending machines for some p-nut m&ms and a coke. Not helping much, but it is a little, though now my stomach’s totally shredded.
The anger hasn’t happened yet – the shock and concern are still too prevalent. Once they wear off the anger will kick in and then WATCH OUT !
J and I talked a little bit ago and I told him how freaked out I am.
He said that he’s going to file a complaint tonight and that he has a call into a local cop friend of ours. We also are discussing getting a camera for the front of our house and our driveway. We want to CATCH this SOB in the act. I told him I want a “Private Property No Trespassing” sign for the yard and a great big dog.
I think tonight I’m going to stop by to visit my neighbor who’s had notes in the past. I want to ask if she’s kept those notes and, if so, if I could see them. I want to see if the handwriting is the same.
J is FIRED up – he’s not even scared or freaked out – just VERY angry.
As he said “Once we find the person responsible for this, god help ‘em because they WILL be sorry.”

At least it’s nearly lunch time.
I can run out for a little bit and find a new pair of sunglasses and get some fresh air.
My head’s COMPLETELY up my butt today because of all of this. I wish it didn’t effect me so much, but it totally does. I just cannot believe the audacity of some people ! Some of my co-workers have offered up some suggestions (like researching why the street is one-way because maybe it’s this person who put that through and seems to think they’re now the police of that intersection) as well as helpful information (like that if this person has kids and is a coach of any team they’ll prints will be in the system – NJ state law !).
So, I’ll gather up the info and hopefully we’ll have the chance to talk to our cop friend tonight about this and see what we can do.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

QUIZ TIME ! ! ! ! !

me
You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.


What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, June 17, 2005

Snarkzilla Strikes Again ! ! ! ! !


Yes, she’s back.

Back again.

Snarkzilla’s back.

Warn Your Friends ! ! ! ! !

I woke up this morning tired and in a rather surly mood.

To add to my “lovely” morning I received an e-mail from Tex-ass.

And I quote:

Hey girl. Haven't heard from you in a while. Everything okay. Finally took a moment to look at the site. LOVE IT!!!!!”


Yet another e-mail from her I fully intend to IGNORE.

Part of me says I should just TELL her that I’m cutting her off. But I am, after all, a non-confrontational type, so I’d rather just continue to ignore her and let her go away that way.


Anyway !

Back to my snarkyness ! ! ! ! !


It’s once again all about a certain man in my life who is refusing to commit.

We have passed the 3 ½ year mark (3 years of which we’ve LIVED together) and are about to enter the 3rd quarter of our relationship heading to 4 years.

There’s been talk (for 2 – 2 ½ years of this time), there’s been ring browsing (as recently as a month or two ago)….

There have been arguments and tears.

And still NOTHING.

So now comes the hard part.

When do I stop being a fool?

Where do I draw the line and decide it’s no longer acceptable to continue this relationship?

Not for nothing, but I’m not getting any younger and I’m getting the feeling that I’ve had 3 ½ years of my life WASTED building a relationship that’s going no where.

I do know that my PMS is NOT helping my mood right now, and that this is the #1 topic on my mind particularly when the PMS monster is in full force.

BUT.

The fact remains.

If I were my own friend, what advice would I give myself right now?

We’re going away on vacation in a couple of weeks.

In my mind I’m giving him the perfect set up to do it.

Also, the 1 year anniversary of us buying the house/him not proposing because we bought the house, is nearing. (For those of you confused by this statement, I’ll explain. Last September we were going to go away to Ireland where (I discovered) he was planning to propose. We bought the house, cancelled Ireland and he called off proposing as a result.)

So do I give it until after vacation or until the 1 year anniversary?

I’m certainly not going to wait for our 4 year anniversary.

We won’t make it there unless I’ve got a commitment from him.

I’m being strung along at this point and I’m tired of it.

I’m tired.

I’m sad.

And I’m hurt.

And I don’t want to deal with this anymore.

Everything has to be on “his timeline”.

Guess what?

There are 2 of us involved here.

And my window of opportunity to have children is getting smaller and smaller.

It’s almost like he’s acting like I should be grateful if he decides to deem me worthy.

(There’s that snarkyness again)

O.k.

I’m going to stop now before I get more worked up.

Now where’s my box of chocolates?!?!?!?!??!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Amusement From My Mother....

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Avoidance

Got an e-mail yesterday from Texas girl.
It goes like this:

Got my first wedding gift last night.....

Was my measuring cups and baking sheet........

Hmmmmmm...............

Who could have sent that...................????????

This just annoyed me.
She can send me an e-mail to let me know that she received what I ordered for her.
She can act "cute" about it.
But do you see a "thank you" in there?
Maybe I'm blind - but I certainly don't see a "thank you" anywhere in there !
>:0(
I'm probably being hypersensitive considering I'm already mad at her....
She also called the house last night. I was outside but we have caller ID and J saw it was her and let the machine get it.
I'm not going to bother calling her back.
The last part of her "gifts" that I purchased will arrive today.
And I'll go out on a limb with figuring she'll call again once more before the weekend's out.
If this happens, I'll be avoiding her again.
I'm did the right thing in sending a gift for a wedding I was invited to but won't attend.
All I want is a simple "thank you" and then for her to GO AWAY.
I'm not happy for her.
I'm not happy for him.
And I'm certainly not happy for the baby she's carrying.
I pitty her soon to be husband and unborn child.
And I'm angry at her.
And I just want to remove them all from my universe.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Snarkzilla

I got a bit snarky again....
IMAGINE THAT !
I'm coming to realize just how pissed off I am about that "friend" of mine in Texas - the one who trapped her boyfriend of 5 months by getting knocked up.
I got an invitation to a "wedding brunch" for her which included her registry.
Before I knew it, I threw the invitation and started cussing.
Then I went online to look at her registries and started tearing them apart - the shit she's asking for is just STUPID.
That's when I realized just how angry I was.
It's for the better that I'm cutting this one loose.
The amount of venom I have in me towards her is just not good.
I did purchase a couple of things from her registry and had them shipped.
That's it. I may or may not send her a baby gift.
I don't know.
GGGGRRRRRRR.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Gun Shy

Over the past little bit I've been thinking a lot about my brother and sister.
The brother and sister I wasn't raised with.
The brother and sister I've always known about.
The brother and sister who've only known of my existence for a couple of years now thanks to their parents hiding it from them.
I've met my sister, Jennifer.
Last year.
I hoped for so much.
She didn't seem to care whether or not she met me.
And we haven't spoken since.
Then there's my brother, Bryan.
Who just got married and had a baby.
My first niece.
He and I sporatically e-mailed one another once upon a time ago.
His mother and I still ocassionally e-mail. Usually ending with me sending her an e-mail in response to one she's sent me and her never responding.
Bryan's new wife seems to have tried to make some effort to stay in touch with me via thank you cards, etc.
I have his home and cell phone numbers.
The question I'm pondering is whether or not I should use those numbers.
I went through a HORRIBLE emotional rollercoaster with Jennifer.
The first time I spoke to her over the phone I was crying to the point where I could hardly talk.
When we met in person I cried.
And I got let down.
I walked away from that experience angry and hurt.
I know that my contacting Bryan will be emotional.
I know it won't be easy.
What I don't know is whether or not he'll squash me like Jennifer did.
In all honesty, part of my motivation with Jennifer is to re-establish contact with my father so that I could coax his medical and adoption information out of him.
I failed in my mission.
Donnie and I don't talk and I got NONE of his information.
Information I believe is important to both me and Bryan.
With Bryan there is no alterior motive.
It's all about getting to know someone who is blood relative to me.
Someone who, according to his mother, I somehow already had a clue about. She tells me that the Christmas gifts I've chosen for him were things he himself would've picked.
That makes me happy.
It's like maybe there is something that connects us that we don't even realize.
Then again, I thought Jennifer and I had that.
The eerie things we have in common like our love of sunflowers, and horses. The fact that I've always volunteered with animal shelters and her job is working at the pound. The fact that, though not in this same category, she looks like a mini me.
She hurt me.
Badly.
Not by being ugly.
But by not caring.
And now I'm back to Bryan.
And whether or not I should bother.
Granted, Bryan is older than Jennifer is.
I also have the advantage (or at least perceived advantage) of his wife seeming to want to be in contact with me.
Then there's a little girl who's life I'vd very much like to be a part of.
J seems to think I should go for it.
His POV is that I won't know unless I try.
Good point.
But that doesn't make me not scared.
And it doesn't prevent me from feeling an immense amount of hesitation.
He's also known all of his siblings all of his life and been raised with them.
So he doesn't quite understand why this is so important to me.
Mom doesn't get it either.
So is it just me who thinks this is remotely important?
To tie the loose ends together.
To at least MEET my siblings and maybe even get to know them a little.
*SIGH*
I just don't know anymore.
I have enough going on with me right now considering my health not being great.
Do I need the added stress right now?
(shakes head)
And back to Bryan is where my mind ends up.
To use that phone number or not to use it.

My Horoscope For Today....

Horoscopes For Today: 6/5/2005
You might be having a bad case of Groucho Marx
Syndrome right about now -- i.e., why would
you want to belong to any club that would have
you as a member? Well, scrap that train of
thought pronto. The stars have given you a
heaven-sent opportunity and you should take
advantage of it, pronto. Don't question about
whether you really deserve the spot or whether
it was a fluke. You do and it wasn't.
So go for it.
It's Monday already.
*Le Sigh*
I was thinking of heading out early this morning conisdering how early I got up...
HOWEVER !
I'm a lazy ass and am VERY busy at the moment watching "Saved by the Bell" and my motivation is nill.
I got next to nothing accomplished over the weekend so I'm seriously hoping my motivation returns to me sometime today ! My biggest accomplishment, I think, was picking out the paint colors our friends should use on their bathrooms. The color they chose and used isn't very nice, so they called me in to give my "expert" opinion. It's times like that when I think maybe I SHOULD become an interior decorator. Then again, every time I bake I think I should give that a go as an occupation. The reality is that I would never be happy with either of those jobs seeing as how the reason I enjoy these activities is because I don't HAVE to do them if I don't want to.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

My Darling Agador:

You confuse Mommy so.
I understand you loving to sleep by the sliding glass door.
And I understand that your bed is cozy.
What perplexes me is why you would sleep like this:





This, my darling, does NOT look cozy in the least !
Why must you have your booty 1/2 in your bed while the rest of your fuzzy little body is stretched out on the carpet?
You are a very strange cat, indeed !

Love,
Mommy

Friday, June 03, 2005

Hmmm

It's interesting...
The way things pop into my head and set me in motion mentally....
Today I remembered my mother saying something about Donnie being either born or adoped in Traverse City, Michigan....
That's where J's younger brother lives now....stationed with the Coast Guard.....
And this gets my mind going in 2 directions....
1 - makes me want to re-start my search for Donnie's birth family
2 - makes me realize that there's yet another thing that's strange about the fact that J and I even found one another. You see, he and I both lived in Florida once upon a time ago - at different times - and if you were to draw a straight horizontal line from the East Coast where I was to the West Coast you'd be pointing to where he lived. Also, my grandfather is buried only a few miles from the house he grew up in. And now there's this with Donnie and Michigan.
Maybe that's why J and I work even when we shouldn't....
There's something more out there that's tying us together...
Hmmmm.....

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

A Joke From Aunt Amy....It Made Me Giggle

BAPTIST COWGIRL ...


A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks
into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in
the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one
in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to
the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would
taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two
sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in
Dublin." When we all left our home in Arkansas, we
promised that we'd drink this way to remember the
days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one
beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom,
and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular
in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She
orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When
she comes back to the bar for the second round, the
bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your
grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your
loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then
a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no,
everybody's just fine," she explains, "it's just
that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and
I had to quit drinking" "Hasn't affected my sisters
though."

A Good End To A Rotten Day

At least there's a good ending to this day.
I've managed to get my new website done and I uploaded !
It's finally LIVE !
SQUEEE ! ! ! ! ! ! !
So now all I have to do is send out my little e-mail notice to my friends & family and let them know it's time to check it out !
YIPPEE !
I've finally managed to get it up and running !
Not only that, but I managed to get it up on the date I was aiming for !
SUCCESS ! ! ! ! !
The next big challenge will be to keep the damned thing updated.

Disjointed Tree

What do you do when your parents have made a mess of your family tree? How do you connect the dots? Can they even be connected?

The story is this.

Mom’s on her 2nd husband. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage (both grown) and mom has me from her 1st marriage. Together they made Matt, who grew up with me.

Donnie’s on his 3rd wife. She has one kid from a previous marriage (a little older than me). Together they made Jennifer, whom I’ve met once.

Donnie’s 2nd marriage resulted in Bryan, who I’ve only e-mailed with but never spoken to or met. Bryan just became a husband & daddy recently. Also, he has a brother, Bobby, that was the product of his mom’s 2nd marriage.

We are so disjointed.

I’m the only common link between Jennifer and Bryan. They met a long time ago but Jennifer doesn’t remember and Bryan doesn’t care to have that ever happen again though Jennifer would like to get in touch with him.

When Bryan’s baby was born I started to write a letter to Donnie & Jennifer to let them know. But I stopped myself. It’s not my place not to mention that I don’t want the two of them bothering Bryan. Also, I don’t want to upset Bryan by telling his information to people he doesn’t acknowledge exists.

Everyone keeps telling me to just forget Jennifer and Bryan. My mother is NOT supportive of me getting in touch with any of them. Matt and I haven’t talked about it but I think we should one day. My meeting with Jennifer has discouraged me to an extent because she didn’t seem to care. It makes me wonder if Bryan will should we ever meet. His new wife has kept me somewhat in the loop of their universe – sending me an invitation to the baby shower, sending me a thank you note for the wedding/baby gifts I sent and, recently, sending me a picture of the baby and the birth announcement. I wrote them a card/letter back – giving them all of my information – but haven’t heard anything back as of yet.

Why do I seem to be the only one with a hole in me? Why don’t they care as much as I do? Am I just stupid to hope that they’d be happy to find a sibling? Granted, I knew about both of them WAY before either of them knew about me or about one another. Bryan only found out a few years back. I believe the same goes for Jennifer. I know Jennifer reacted very violently when she found out. She’s o.k. about it at this point, but her initial reaction wasn’t good. I’m not really sure how Bryan reacted. Don’t know if I ever will. I just have to wonder, of the three of us, am I the only one who has to change the channel when the “reunion” shows come on because it makes me cry?

Snarky Sassy

I’ll warn you upfront, I am a bit on the snarky side today.

There are reasons for this mood which I will commence bitching about momentarily.

For starters, I went to the GI doctor yesterday and he’s told me that I have to go get an endoscopy procedure done. This is the procedure I’m petrified of and absolutely don’t want to do. I have 3 weeks before this happens – plenty of time to burn a new ulcer in my stomach worrying about this. I also have to go in for an ultrasound prior to the endoscopy – which will happen next Tuesday. That won’t be so bad. That I can handle. It’s the concept of anesthesia and sedation and shoving things down my throat that I can’t handle.

Then, on my way home from the GI I call mom to tell her what’s going on. Her news for me? Apparently my grandmother has Parkinson’s. She has to go in for back surgery in the next few weeks for another issue and then they’re going to confirm their suspicions that Parkinson’s has developed. Apparently the doctors are about 90% sure that’s what’s going on with her.

Then comes the wedding onslaught.

My cousin is still planning to go through with marrying a pig greaser. This girl is 20 years old with a bright future ahead of her that she’s throwing away. She completed her associates degree while in high school and has a full scholarship to the school of her choice. She wants to be a veterinarian. So much for that dream. She marries this jerk and she’ll stop going to school and vet school goes down the drain. She got engaged to this moron after only knowing him for 6 months or so. He’s MY age ! EEWWW ! And NO ONE in my family likes him. He’s lazy (i.e., doesn’t work aside from greasing pigs), doesn’t look out for her, is completely immature and will stand in her way of getting an education because he’s scared of her accomplishing her goals. I am NOT supportive of this and never have been. They were supposed to jump off the marital cliff last year but didn’t because her mother threatened to take away her horse if she did go through with it. Now she’s announced that they’re planning for October. Great. I SO don’t want to go. I keep telling my aunts that I’ll kidnap him and feed him to the gators before I let him marry my cousin. Unfortunately, I may have to make good on that threat !

Then there’s more marital drama going on seeing as how my “friend” who got herself knocked up so she could ensure marriage sent out her “wedding invitations” which I received yesterday. She’d also e-mailed me to say that on their trip to Cancun over this past weekend he proposed. That’s a little late, dontcha think???? Her e-mail was simply: “well…it’s official. I got my ring this weekend.” How romantic. (and I say that with the utmost sarcasm) I didn’t feel angry when she e-mailed this to me as I thought I’d feel. Instead, I felt disgusted. I found myself shaking my head and saying “Well, I guess you got what you wanted, huh?” – my voice full of disdain. My response to her e-mail was simple – “congrats.” I still can’t believe she’s stooped this low. And what’s the point of getting engaged while on vacation considering that they’ll be running away to Vegas in 3 weeks to have Elvis do their nuptials???? I question if I should even bother sending a gift. She’s been shoving me out of her life ever since this guy came on the scene and I’m more than willing to let this “friendship” fall to the wayside.

It seems that it’s like one thing after another these days. If it’s not my own ailments then it’s my grandmother’s and if it’s not that then it’s my stupid cousin and her tool boyfriend (no, I won’t refer to him as “fiancée” and will likely never refer to him as her “husband” if they go through with it) and if it’s not that then it’s the continued drama with the knocked up friend. I’m just waiting for my father to pop up. Usually he pops up at the worst times – times like these – and adds to the drama. UGH. Thank god for caller ID !