Snarky Sassy

I’ll warn you upfront, I am a bit on the snarky side today.

There are reasons for this mood which I will commence bitching about momentarily.

For starters, I went to the GI doctor yesterday and he’s told me that I have to go get an endoscopy procedure done. This is the procedure I’m petrified of and absolutely don’t want to do. I have 3 weeks before this happens – plenty of time to burn a new ulcer in my stomach worrying about this. I also have to go in for an ultrasound prior to the endoscopy – which will happen next Tuesday. That won’t be so bad. That I can handle. It’s the concept of anesthesia and sedation and shoving things down my throat that I can’t handle.

Then, on my way home from the GI I call mom to tell her what’s going on. Her news for me? Apparently my grandmother has Parkinson’s. She has to go in for back surgery in the next few weeks for another issue and then they’re going to confirm their suspicions that Parkinson’s has developed. Apparently the doctors are about 90% sure that’s what’s going on with her.

Then comes the wedding onslaught.

My cousin is still planning to go through with marrying a pig greaser. This girl is 20 years old with a bright future ahead of her that she’s throwing away. She completed her associates degree while in high school and has a full scholarship to the school of her choice. She wants to be a veterinarian. So much for that dream. She marries this jerk and she’ll stop going to school and vet school goes down the drain. She got engaged to this moron after only knowing him for 6 months or so. He’s MY age ! EEWWW ! And NO ONE in my family likes him. He’s lazy (i.e., doesn’t work aside from greasing pigs), doesn’t look out for her, is completely immature and will stand in her way of getting an education because he’s scared of her accomplishing her goals. I am NOT supportive of this and never have been. They were supposed to jump off the marital cliff last year but didn’t because her mother threatened to take away her horse if she did go through with it. Now she’s announced that they’re planning for October. Great. I SO don’t want to go. I keep telling my aunts that I’ll kidnap him and feed him to the gators before I let him marry my cousin. Unfortunately, I may have to make good on that threat !

Then there’s more marital drama going on seeing as how my “friend” who got herself knocked up so she could ensure marriage sent out her “wedding invitations” which I received yesterday. She’d also e-mailed me to say that on their trip to Cancun over this past weekend he proposed. That’s a little late, dontcha think???? Her e-mail was simply: “well…it’s official. I got my ring this weekend.” How romantic. (and I say that with the utmost sarcasm) I didn’t feel angry when she e-mailed this to me as I thought I’d feel. Instead, I felt disgusted. I found myself shaking my head and saying “Well, I guess you got what you wanted, huh?” – my voice full of disdain. My response to her e-mail was simple – “congrats.” I still can’t believe she’s stooped this low. And what’s the point of getting engaged while on vacation considering that they’ll be running away to Vegas in 3 weeks to have Elvis do their nuptials???? I question if I should even bother sending a gift. She’s been shoving me out of her life ever since this guy came on the scene and I’m more than willing to let this “friendship” fall to the wayside.

It seems that it’s like one thing after another these days. If it’s not my own ailments then it’s my grandmother’s and if it’s not that then it’s my stupid cousin and her tool boyfriend (no, I won’t refer to him as “fiancée” and will likely never refer to him as her “husband” if they go through with it) and if it’s not that then it’s the continued drama with the knocked up friend. I’m just waiting for my father to pop up. Usually he pops up at the worst times – times like these – and adds to the drama. UGH. Thank god for caller ID !