Today....

was a LAZY day...
i think all the rain may have played a big role in that...
the upside is that i've managed to get my craft room spic and span - heck ! i even steam cleaned the carpet in there !
then we had our own separate dinners tonight which was great !
i had all of my "yucky" veggies that J hates so much.....
collard greens....
okra & tomatoes....
YUM YUM YUM ! ! ! ! ! ! !
meanwhile J had his disgusting wurst crap...ICK !
since we had to have veggies J would actually eat there was also corn & twice baked potatoes...
tonight nearly took me back to the days when i had my little apartment in westchester....
i had veggie dinners almost every night !
i would spend one night making a TON of different veggies and then putting meal-sized portions into tupperware as my dinners for the rest of the week !
i was always the weird kid who ate brussels sprouts and loved lima beans....
now i'm the weird adult who loves all that same stuff !
so all in all i got my room cleaned up and had one of my favorite combinations for dinner !
SQUEEE !

Le Blah !

Turns out I was right...
I have the beginnings of an ulcer - compliments of my little breakdown.
Now I've got a Rx to fill - 2 actually !
My doc rocks though b/c he hooked me up with a 10 day supply for FREE of one of them so I don't have to rush to the pharmacy and will start getting relief sooner rather than later.
Go Dr. Pete ! ! ! !
The other thing he gave me was a Rx for tranquilizers.
FUN !
I've never had tranqs before ! ! ! !
WHEEEE ! ! ! ! !
Though, in all honesty, they'll be salvaged for nights when I absolutely can't sleep.
Don't want to end up over-using those little lovelies !
:)
A bright spot in my day was that not long before I left the office I got a delivery !
The most GORGEOUS purple orchids I've ever seen !
From my boss & one of his managers ! ! ! !
I was totally stoked !

The note said something along the lines of "Congrats on a GREAT start at (company name). Best wishes for a successful future."
How AWESOME is that?!?!??!?!?!?
I loves me my job and the people there ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I've been there all of 2 months and I've received FLOWERS !
SQUEEEEE ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Am I the only one?

Am I the only one who thinks this being a "mistake" is a load of shit???
------------------------------------------------------

Super Apologizes For Discrepancy In Spanish, English Dress Code

POSTED: 2:49 pm EDT April 28, 2005

UPDATED: 2:59 pm EDT April 28, 2005

TARRYTOWN, N.Y. -- School officials were apologizing Thursday for a dress-code reminder sent to parents that went out in English and Spanish but included the requirement of a "clean body and clothing" only in the Spanish version.

The discrepancy had offended some Hispanic parents at Washington Irving Intermediate School, which has 560 students and is part of a district that has a 50 percent Hispanic student population. Notes to parents are routinely sent out in two languages.

The reminder was taken from the school handbook, which has the "clean body" requirement in both English and Spanish. That line was "mistakenly left out" of the English version of the reminder, said Superintendent Howard Smith of the Tarrytowns school district, which takes in Tarrytown and Sleepy Hollow.

"In the course of electronically cutting and pasting the material for the letter from the dress code section of the handbook, portions of the English version were mistakenly left out," he said.

Also left out of the English version by mistake was a ban on gang-affiliated clothing, not usually a problem with the 9-to-12-year-old pupils at Washington Irving, Smith said.

minyana

apparently i have a dr's appointment tomorrow afternoon.
one of my co-workers convinced me to make one.
my stomach is still wrecked.
i have a bad feeling i may very well have a new ulcer forming thanks to the high amounts of stress i've been under the past few weeks.
i've had ulcers before - but not one for like 2 years now.
this sucks.
i'll find out tomorrow what the deal is.
ugh.

notsogood.....

we had a "conversation" if you can call me being calm and him yelling a conversation.
it was a few days ago.
i feel somewhat better but not 100%...somewhat mainly because i found out a few things i didn't know.
my stomach is wrecked.
a new ulcer, perhaps?
who knows.
and now i think i may be getting sick from a bug that's been going around the office.
my system is already not in good shape - that'd make me a good candidate for a bug, huh?
i guess we'll see how it all goes for now.
if i could i'd stay home today, but that's simply not possible.
too much going on at work.
and i already took tuesday and 1/2 of yesterday.
at least it's thursday, right?
and it's not raining.

flashes of my past

about 10 years ago i was a very angry little person
i was scrappy - would throw down with anyone, anytime, anywhere
then, over time, i changed
i stopped acting out my anger
i harnessed it
i stopped getting into fights
stopped throwing things when i got angry
and i thought i was going to be ok forever
if that's the case then why am i feeling those urges again?
i want to gouge eyeballs out with my fingernails
want to pulverize a face
want to break a nose
want to kick in a head
and all these feelings are scaring me
as if i don't have enough going on right now
all i need is for violent urges to return
great
at least it's all focused on one person, huh?

why?

why can't i stop my hands from shaking?
why do i still feel sick to my stomach?
why do i have to keep fighting back the tears?
why can't i be ok?
am i just a fucking psycho or am i justified?
i feel a bit crazy.
i don't know.
i just wish i was ok.
wish my head wasn't so full.
wish i couldn't feel the pain.
god i wish i hadn't quit smoking at times like this.

*hyperventilating*

I feel like I'm losing my mind...
It's starting again and I have no control over anything.
I have no faith.
I have no trust.
I have this huge knot in my stomach since he told me.
And now I have to figure out what to do.
I fear that perhaps my reaction will result in him not continuing to tell me things.
That will bother me the most.
I hurt.
My head.
My insides.
Everything.
And all I want to do is cry.
But what good would that do, really?
He doesn't care.
He doesn't care about my feelings in this.
And I think he should.
I'm so confused and so hurt and so sad and so unsure of anything anymore.

Damn Damn Damn ! ! ! !

Where the FUCK has my wonderfully warm weather gone?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??
I just start getting comfortable again and it all turns to shit !
BLAH !

Oh How Far We've Come...

So, a little bit ago I purchased my own domain name. See, I'd determined that it was time to leave the expense of AOL and get back into building web pages all while having the ability to host my own e-mail as part of the cost for the domain hosting package. When I used to build websites for fun I did I all manually - lines and lines of HTML coding and having to know what went where and I was actually pretty good at it if I do say so myself. Nowadays all that is unnecessary. There are programs in which a child could build an awesome website and then upload it to the domain in a few simple steps ! This just blows my mind ! And, being new to all of this, I was having some issues last night at which point J sat down and showed me the wonder of how easy it can all be. It turned out I was totally making the process harder than it had to be ! How happy am I that it's all so simple ! So the initial frontpage of my new site is up and ready for "opening day" and I'm working on all of the other pages to go onto the site now. Me thinks this is actually going to be fun ! YIPPEE ! ! ! !

MY ASS ! ! ! !

When I determined it was time to start working in the garden there was one thing I didn't realize...
The impact it would have on my ASS !
I started the border yesterday and woke up this morning with my ass killing me...
Then I worked today to get some bulbs planted and finished the border and now I'm resting...
And my ass is killing me MORE !
I suppose I should be happy about this seeing as how it means my ass muscles are getting a workout and perhaps that will lead to my ass shrinking at least a little...
but OUCH man ! ! ! !

Le Sigh....

Well, today I have to drive to CT.
Fun.
First I go to work for 1/2 a day.
I have to go to my mother's house where I'll meet up with her, my aunt and my cousin and then we'll all trek up to the top of CT near the MA border....a little place I like to call bumblefuck.
While there I will be forced to go to a concert I DO NOT want to go to.
I'll also be forced to deal with my mother and her evil twin for an extended period of time.
THEN !
Tomorrow we drive back to my mother's house, jump on a train to NYC and go watch a taping of a talk show to entertain the aunt and cousin.
After this day of "fun" I have to get back on the train to CT, get into my car and drive myself back home.
This is NOT going to be fun.
It's a big hassle for something I'm not even remotely interested in.
At any rate, I won't be posting for a few days as a result.
I suppose I should run for now and maybe consider actually packing for this journey, eh?
BLAH !

SQUEEE ! ! ! !

I've done it...
Well, I've started the ball rolling at least !
I've registered for my own domain name and am plotting my break from the evil of AOL ! ! !
WHOO HOO ! ! !
I'm sure I'll be sad on the final day of my AOL account...but I can definitely justify it to myself considering how much less I'll be paying through the nose to not only have an e-mail address (up to 500 if I want, actually !) but a website all my own as well !
I'm awaiting notification that I'm registered so that I can set up the e-mail and send out my notice to friends & family that the old e-mail will be getting replaced !
HAH !
FAB-U !
I've been fighting getting rid of AOL for a long time now - I've had this account since I got out of college ! But the time has come, I do believe, and here I am...stepping out on that ledge.
Once things are set up and running nicely I may have to post the domain name up for y'all to check out.
Until then !
I shall keep checking my e-mail for my confirmation ! ! !
=0)

Just heard....

Apparently as of 4 days ago I became an aunt....
Sort of....
I guess...
I don't know....
Shouldn't I be happy?
I'm happy for them, but hurt that I wasn't told, but understand why I wasn't and wish things could be different....
Not sure what to do now....
Oh well...
At least I have yoga today and maybe that'll help clear my head....

Kitties Day Out

My kitties, having no front claws, are NOT allowed outside without a leash typically. They've been indoor kitties from the moment they were mine - which was when they were tiny babies and technically shouldn't have been adopted out yet. My little Agador also has allergies which I have to keep in mind. He has a hell of a time every spring and fall.
Well, yesterday J convinced me to "try" it out - with both of us out on the deck supervising them and if they acted up that we'd take away their deck time.

Peanut was a bit hesitant....


But she eventually decided to come out and stay near to me....


Then there's Agador.....

who immediately pranced outside and proceeded to flunk himself down and roll around....


and then lounge a little too close to the stairs for mommie's liking....


and, once he got a little too toasty, lounged just inside of the slider - keeping one paw out to proclaim that he's not yet done with the deck !

All it all it was a really good experience. Both kids decided to test their limits, but I'm very happy to say that my kitties LISTEN to us and didn't bolt or misbehave. GOOD KITTIES ! ! !

Fucking Woods

Can I say how much I HATE living in the FUCKING woods?!?!?!??!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Fucking Wildlife ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Why am I so pissed, you ask?
Well....
Yesterday I busted my butt planting bulbs in pots so that I could transplant them into my soon-to-be garden once they popped up.
I didn't manage to get all of the bulbs planted - I've got SO many - but I did manage to get quite a few. And I left them outside overnight - some on baker's racks, some on the deck.
Uh.
Yeah.
If the little furry monsters are going to fucking DIG UP the bulbs the least they could do is FUCKING EAT THEM rather than leave a mess of dirt with bulbs strewn about ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Goddamned Woods ! ! ! !
So I've dragged the surviving pots inside for now and decided to tackle picking up the dirt, etc. shortly. My back is not in good shape after all that I accomplished yesterday and now I don't want to push it and end up throwing it out. Worst comes to worst, I'll pick out the bulbs, ziplock them and deal with it when I get home tonight.
This just TOTALLY pisses me off ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I know I should've known better, but I thought that one night would be no big deal.
So much for my thoughts !
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR
NOT what I wanted to deal with first thing this morning !

Friday !

GLORIOUS Friday !
WHOO !
Know what that means????
As of right now I'm 28 hours away from meeting up with my two closest friends for our first monthly breakfast !
SQUEEE !
It should be a lot of fun.
The three of us worked together at the last hellish job I had. Mel is leaving the hellhole next (her last day is a week from today) and unfortunately H is still there but hopefully will be leaving soon.
We're going to one of my favorite breakfast restaurants - incidentially, it's H's favorite too but Mel's never been there ! JOY ! We get to introduce her to one of the greatest places !
YIPPEE !
I'm picking up Mel and we're going to H's house where I get to finally meet her two adorable kitties ! BONUS !
I'm already trying to figure out our next event.
I'm thinking paint-your-own-pottery studio or something like that.
And I know we're doing Mel's freedom dinner in the next couple of weeks which will be great !
Can't wait for tomorrow !
SQUEEE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

AAAAAHHHHHHH . . . .

Spring.
How WONDERFUL it is to finally see you ! ! ! !
Yesterday I was SOOO happy to leave work and find it a lovely 80 degrees outside ! I promptly took off my sweater (it's a bit chilly in my office) and kicked off my shoes so that I could drive home in my tank top and be barefooted.
LOVE IT !

J, of course, is going INSANE because he's itching to get back out on the bike. So much so that he spent a good chunk of the night last night de-winterizing it so that he could take it into work today and get his riding season started.

But back to me !
How GLORIOUS is this weather?!?!?!?!
I was in such a good mood last night that I sewed the seeds I'd bought in the fall and have my little mini greenhouse up and running. Tonight I think I may paint the taracotta pots I bought. That way, this weekend, I can then plant the bulbs I'd bought (but couldn't plant before the frost) in them and force them up so that I'll then have pretty plants to transplant into our yard. WHEE !
How I love the warm weather ! ! ! ! !

Was It ImpossibleJane who First Posted About This?

I'm not sure who's blog I first saw this on, almost positive it was ImpossibleJane's, but how excited am I that it's now out in the theater?!?!?!?!?
Can you guess what I'll be going to see this weekend if I have my way????
SQUEEE ! ! ! ! !
Granted, J REFUSES to go see it with me. For some insane reason he thinks it won't be a good movie ! Silly boy ! What does he know???
Movie for 1, coming my way !
WHOO ! ! ! !

Tired....

Why am I so frickin' tired lately?!?!?!?!
My weekend was a busy one, that's for sure, but this being tired thing has been going on for some time now.
Perhaps it has something to do with this shit weather we've been having. I hadn't seen the sun for weeks and then at the end of last week it peeked out for a single day - which made me quite excited. Then it went away again and this weekend was nothing but wind and rain and coldness. I got VERY little accomplished at the house or in terms of the "extras" I wanted to do for work.
Hopefully the sun will come out again this week - brighten me up . . . literally.
We'll see I suppose...