I know I'm a bit slow on the uptake, but....
I think I just realized something.
The girl who I was talking about in an earlier post - the one who I believe got pregnant on purpose.....well, I think it was more than just trapping him.
She's ALWAYS been VERY VERY critical of my relationship with J. She and I used to be very close and I'd talk to her if he and I were having issues - her answer was always "LEAVE HIM !"
She was the one who always told me that he'd never take the step of us buying a house. And lookie lookie - 6 months ago we closed on this house of ours. She also said he'd never marry me. Now, that's yet to happen - but that's a VERY complex issue for the both of us....one we're trying to work through.
ANYWAY !
Here's the realization I just had like last night !
I think she thinks we're in competition here. She's been through more men who say "I want to marry you" who take off after 3-4 months. Meanwhile, J and I have been together for 3 + years straight. He's bought the house we've talked about. Meanwhile every guy who's talked about going further with her haven't done it.
On another level, I think she decided she's now found a man who wouldn't leave her if she did get knocked up. They've been talking about getting a house for some time now (a few months) as well as getting married - but nothing's come of any of that talk. I think maybe she didn't want to me made a fool of again.
Why am I analyzing this????
Probably because I can't understand why the heck an intelligent woman with a great job and a good life would do such a thing.
It also bothers me that #1 - she'd think of our relationship as competition and #2 - that she'd be this underhanded in her desperate "need" for a man.
Sigh.
This has just driven me nuts ever since she told me.
Particularly because one day it was like "I'm pregnant and we're both freaked out" and the next day it was "We're both just SO exicted, can't wait to be parents and are getting married in the next month or two !"
(shakes head)
I just don't know.
The girl who I was talking about in an earlier post - the one who I believe got pregnant on purpose.....well, I think it was more than just trapping him.
She's ALWAYS been VERY VERY critical of my relationship with J. She and I used to be very close and I'd talk to her if he and I were having issues - her answer was always "LEAVE HIM !"
She was the one who always told me that he'd never take the step of us buying a house. And lookie lookie - 6 months ago we closed on this house of ours. She also said he'd never marry me. Now, that's yet to happen - but that's a VERY complex issue for the both of us....one we're trying to work through.
ANYWAY !
Here's the realization I just had like last night !
I think she thinks we're in competition here. She's been through more men who say "I want to marry you" who take off after 3-4 months. Meanwhile, J and I have been together for 3 + years straight. He's bought the house we've talked about. Meanwhile every guy who's talked about going further with her haven't done it.
On another level, I think she decided she's now found a man who wouldn't leave her if she did get knocked up. They've been talking about getting a house for some time now (a few months) as well as getting married - but nothing's come of any of that talk. I think maybe she didn't want to me made a fool of again.
Why am I analyzing this????
Probably because I can't understand why the heck an intelligent woman with a great job and a good life would do such a thing.
It also bothers me that #1 - she'd think of our relationship as competition and #2 - that she'd be this underhanded in her desperate "need" for a man.
Sigh.
This has just driven me nuts ever since she told me.
Particularly because one day it was like "I'm pregnant and we're both freaked out" and the next day it was "We're both just SO exicted, can't wait to be parents and are getting married in the next month or two !"
(shakes head)
I just don't know.
posted by Sassy Southern Belle @ 6:59 AM
3 Comments:
At 8:11 PM,
Impossible Jane said…
Your story sort of reminds me of my best friend in high school...
She ended up marrying the first guy she ever had sex with. All she ever wanted was to have children. When we were both 18 she started to buy baby clothes w/o even being pregnant. At that point she got so involved and sucked into her relationships she stopped talking to me. It hurt that I was forgotten about. We never exchanged bad words or had a fight. We sort of drifted. They ended up getting married by the time she was 20. At 21 I heard from my then boyfriend that he saw her at Wal Mart--pregnant.
I was in college at that time. The winter break before my college graduation I saw her at the supermarket...and she introduced me to her 2 kids. I couldn't believe it. We said hello, said what we're up to. I told her about going to college and graduating soon. I told her of my up coming cross country trip. The conversation was friendly but not warm.
When I graduated and moved back home I tried to call her to reconnect with her. She'd never return my phone calls. I kept trying and trying. I even called her mom. I just recently heard that she is now divorced. I often wonder if she never wanted to see me because she was jealous of what she gave up...all for her own needs. She wanted to be desperately loved and having two kids was the only way she was going to get that (or so she thought). I saw her not too long ago at a gas station right on the Rhode Island-Connecticut border. She saw me but wouldn't talk to me. She looked like she was making up for lost time ...dressed very provocatively, loud music in the car...I hate to say it but she looked like she was prostituting herself.
Anyway...your story sort of made me think of Katie. She had a ton more problems than I could ever start to describe...but that's the gist of it.
Jane
At 7:20 AM,
Sassy Southern Belle said…
Thanks for sharing your story Jane.
WOW !
It's scary, isn't it? The paths of people's lives....
It just blows my mind that she wouldn't even talk to you the last time she saw you !
Granted, I was born & raised (at least until Jr. High School when I moved to CT) in a small town in Florida and this story sounds like so many of the people I grew up with - it's just like "the way" down there....so you'd think maybe it wouldn't baffle my mind so much. But, though I formed my "roots" in that environment, I don't think that way and it confuses me.
It's sad, really.
People you can be so close with may one day be someone who won't even return your phone calls.
Hopefully I didn't drudge up too many painful memories for you in making you think of Katie.
At 7:47 AM,
Impossible Jane said…
Hey there,
not to worry...I'm over Katie. It took me a long time. But then I realized she doesn't have that much to be envious about. Granted she has children and I someday would like them but I don't want my life to end up like hers. I like how my life has turned out. Yes, I complain about the daily routine and what not but overall I am happy. I like the path in life I chose for myself. And when I saw Katie that night I wonder if she is happy. I'll never know.
Cheers, Jane
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