You see…
Once upon a time ago – this past March to be exact – we had a party. And at this party 2 of J’s little friends were extremely rude to me on 2 levels. One girl – we’ll refer to her as the Lumberjack – introduced me to her new man as J’s “girlfriend/fiancée/future wife/whatever”…literally, those words…..in a rather snotty manner. The other – we’ll call her Bozo – had just got engaged that day and came right up to me, sticking her ring centimeters away from my nose and pronounced “See this??? Use it against J and make him feel guilty that he hasn’t done THIS yet !”. Needless to say, I abruptly excused myself from the situation before I snatched them both bald headed. I wasn’t rude – I just got away from them. Both of these people chose to neither say “hello” or “good-bye” to me in my own home though they hunted J down to say both to him. J has not addressed this issue until recently with the both of them. That in and of itself pisses me off. What really pisses me off is the sorry excuses for “apologies” I received.
Before I get to the “apology” part, let me throw out a little background on these two in relation to J….
You see, they all grew up together and lived on the same street. The Lumberjack is one that J had wanted to date and basically pined for. She teased him and then started to pseudo date him eventually – I say this because she was really living with someone else at the time . . .and he told her she had to choose which one she wanted when he found out. He then told her that they would never go down that path again – that this was her one chance. She chose the other guy. J went on to date Satan and, when they broke up Lumberjack tried to get back into dating J. He told her to forget it and reminded her of the talk they’d had when he was trying to date her. So, I’m guessing she was a little jilted. Bozo was J’s “comfort” between dating Satan and me. They never dated but spent a lot of time together. When he started dating me her first response to him was “what about us?” to which he replied “What are you talking about? We weren’t dating or anything.” When I went to my first event with J – another of his childhood friends from the same street was getting married – Lumberjack was there and we were both cordial. I even told J to go dance with her at one point because I felt bad for her that she didn’t have a date. J told me later that he could see that she was full of regret that night because she could see what she’d let go.
Now that you know the history, it should start making sense why these girls are as bitter and as nasty towards me as they are. They both obviously see me as the one to took him away from them. Lumberjack has her regrets and is jealous. Bozo sees me as the one he’d date when he wouldn’t date her though he’d use her for company. Not only that, but what a “hoot” it must be for her that J would date me but not her but that her new man would propose to her when J’s not yet proposed to me. So is it really any shock that they’d eventually gang up on me like this? Unfortunately I gave them too much credit because I didn’t see this one coming.
Onto the recent events…
J & I went to another of his childhood friends parties for her little girl. Lumberjack was there. I threw up my attitude. He told me he’d take her to the side and talk to her. And he did. She then approached me and said that if there was “anything she’d ever done to me” then she was sorry and that she hoped I didn’t hold a grudge for too too long. I’m sorry, but what kind of apology is that???? To me, an apology is ACKNOWLEDGING what you DID and saying your sorry for THOSE SPECIFIC actions. This, to me, was a cop out. I’ll give her the credit of trying to deal with the issue immediately, but I still don’t feel that I’ve been properly apologized to.
Then there’s Bozo.
I’ve been arguing with J that he needed to handle that one too but he kept saying that he needed to do it “in person” so she could “see his face” and “know how serious he was”…blah blah blah. She and Lumberjack are best friends – so, of course – she’s also been warned and knows what coming…particularly since J TOLD Lumberjack that he intended to talk to Bozo ! (silly boy !)
Well.
She called our house on Saturday night.
And I picked up the phone.
She said she’d called to get our address.
I told her she needed to talk to J.
And I handed the phone right over to him.
He NEEDED to handle this issue NOW and here was his opportunity !
So he disappeared off for 15 – 20 minutes or so and then showed back up – with the phone stretched out towards me.
“WHAT?!?!?” I said – knowing she could hear me perfectly well and hear my tone.“She wants to talk to you” he said.
“Oh yeah?!?!?!” I responded and took the phone.
“YES?” I said into the phone.
She started off her pathetic excuse for an apology in the worst possible way.
“I don’t really know what this is all about” she said.
I immediately snapped back “What?!?! He didn’t EXPLAIN it to you???”
To which J immediately said “WHAT?!?!?!” and threw up his hands.
She then stammered and started babbling about how she was sorry if I felt ignored but that there were SO many people there…bullshit, bullshit, bullshit….
I was starting to BOIL at that point.
Not only had she tried to play me for an IDIOT – but she’s going to yap about the hello/good-bye aspect and ignore the blatant attack ?!?!?!?!
I chose to keep my mouth shut – because if I didn’t I would’ve blasted her, cussed her out and a LARGE war would’ve been started.
I kept doing the “uh-huh” until she ended the conversation by babbling about how she’d called to get our address to invite us to her wedding and that hopefully we can go but if we can’t that’s o.k. too.
I was FUMING when I hung up and told J what had happened.
He looked completely bewildered and asked “what now”?
I told him that I appreciate that he FINALLY talked to her but that I am thoroughly pissed at her behavior then and even more pissed at the little transaction we just had.
He then apologized for not having handled this issue when it came up.
(Is THIS what it had to take to make him REALIZE?!?!?!)
Here’s where I’m getting to be the oober bitch.
On my way to work this morning I was thinking about it and I decided that I am NOT going to her wedding. J can go if he wants to, but I don’t think I should be made to go. Quite frankly, I have no need to go see this little bitch say “I do” to her freakshow of a boyfriend. How better to convey that it is NOT o.k. what they did and that their little “apologies” are NOT accepted then to not go. I’m only going to aggravate myself if I do go anyway. J does not yet know that I’ve chosen this and he’s sure to put up an argument about it. It’s really very simple though. I feel that I would be compromising my integrity if I were to go. I feel I would be putting the “it’s o.k.” stamp on this deal by going and it’s absolutely not o.k. so far as I’m concerned. To be sure I’m not jumping to this decision, particularly seeing as how the PMS monster is raging at the moment, I’ve decided to not discuss this with J until I’m 100% sure this is what I want to do. I want to think about it a bit more and also seek out opinions on this situation and my stance. I am a person who has no problems cutting people off. I can totally dissociate myself and turn it into a very “business decision” sort of thing. (I mean, I cut off my best friend of 16 years back in February because I decided I deserved a friend who didn’t use emotions and situations against me. This was actually somewhat hard to do, but I did it to preserve myself.) Once you fuck me over I will cut you loose so fast it’ll leave your head spinning. And I also hold a grudge FOREVER. This particular character trait, I know, isn’t a good one. But it is part of who I am. Once you cross me, if you chose not to rectify the situation and rectify it to my satisfaction you are permanently on my shitlist and god help you if you ever again have to cross my path or stumble into my crosshairs.
Knowing all of this about myself, I know I have to really think this decision through and ask outside opinions. These girls were malicious. They came after me for no reason – totally unprovoked (at least in my mind regardless of their “lost” feelings of J) and when confronted about it can’t even show the class or have the balls to ADMIT what they did wrong and apologize for it.
