Woe Is To Me....

Feeling a bit down this week...
And for good reason....
In the new house....playing "This Old House"....
Busting my ass....
Not in Ireland....
Not having what I've been waiting for happening....
And then, in my occassional check-in, I see this post:
http://lizmatazz.blogspot.com/
At least one Liz is now engaged to a J, right?
It just makes me really sad that it's not me and my "him"....
*sigh*
I don't want to let him know why I'm so down lately...
B/c he has no idea that I know what this trip was supposed to be.....
B/c he has no idea that I made an excrutiatingly hard decision the day I chose getting this house over going to Ireland - - - KNOWING that I was giving up the trip that would be a huge moment in our life together.....
And I don't want to let him know....
He thinks I'm not happy about getting the house....that he thinks it's the move that's putting me in this mood.....
If only it were that.....
But no.....
Every time I see a happy couple or people who are married or engaged or walking through the store and even SEEING something with the word "wedding" on it I just want to burst out crying.
Today when I was leaving the Dr's office and I walked through the waiting room of happy, pregnant couples I was so sad that I basically ran out of there before they saw me crying....
Why?
What have I done that's so wrong to deserve this?